December giveaway - something to eat your Christmas dinner off!

Thursday, 6 December 2012

Competition time again...
We have a set of 4 acorn dinner plates up for grabs.  All you have to do is to tell us a funny Christmas joke, and whoever makes us laugh the most will win the plates. 
Simple :-)


  1. Knock! Knock!
    Who's there?
    Wendy who?
    Wendy red red robbin comes bob bob bobbin along!

  2. why are christmas trees like bad knitters?!
    They both drop their needles!

  3. This is the only joke I can remember, but it involves Xmas so fits the comp.
    So Luke Skywalker is with Darth Vader and Darth Vader says (in muffled way) I know what you've got or Christmas Luke. How do you know that replies Luke! Darth mumbles, I've felt your presence!
    Ha ha

  4. I just heard this one today, it's very simple but it made me laugh. :)

    Two old ladies were talking about Christmas miracle and than one said: "A virgin birth I can believe, but finding three wise men!!?"

    Have a lovely December!*
    the plates are lovely btw! :)

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  6. Q. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

    A. Lost

  7. Q. What's white and goes up ?
    A. A confused snowflake !

  8. how does good king wenceslas like his pizza?
    deep pan, crisp and even!

    thank you for the chance to win such lovely plates. merry christmas!!!

  9. OOh great - I'd love to win, so here's my best Christmas joke.

    What's the difference between brussel sprouts and bogeys?
    Children will eat their bogeys...

    Hope that's not too revolting for Christmas!

  10. Whats furry and minty?
    A Polo bear

  11. my fave has to be...

    What do you get if you eat too many Christmas Decorations?


    Merry Xmas! xx

  12. Last year I got a peg leg for Christmas. It wasn't my main present though, just a stocking filler.

  13. Pizza Hut has a new Christmas pizza. It's called the Good King Wenceslas, it's deep pan, crisp and even.

  14. Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. Seems to have stopped breathing and his eyes are glazed.
    His friend panicked call emergency services: "My friend is dead What can I do?"
    The operator replied calmly: "Calm down. I can help you. Firstly let us he is dead."
    A moment of silence, followed by a gunshot.
    The hunter takes the handset: "This is good, now what?

  15. What's Santa Claus' favourite pizza? Calzo-ho-ho-ne!

  16. Kneeling in front of the fireplace, a boy exclaimed:
    Christmas father, I WANT A TRAIN electric ".
    After a slight pause:
    - "SANTA CLAUS, I WANT A TRAIN electric".
    And again:
    - "SANTA CLAUS, I WANT A TRAIN electric".
    At this time, his father intervened
    - "This is not to shout like this: Santa Claus is not deaf!"
    And the boy answered:
    - "Santa Claus is perhaps not deaf ... but Grandma is!"

  17. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

    Can you smell carrot?

  18. A rich, yet not very clever dad is reading his son's letter to Santa: "So this is what you want hmm... a new computer processor, ok... a flat monitor, right... a mouse, that's easy... a mat for the mouse!?" And then he gets angry: "Son, what will be next? Some slippers for the cockroaches!?"

  19. How many feminist elves does it take to put the fairy lights on the Christmas tree?
    Answer: One, and it's not funny....

  20. Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas?
    A: The turkey - he's always stuffed!

  21. Santa Claus went to the Doctors...
    Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
    Santa: I seem to have a Christmas pud stuck up my bottom!
    Doctor: Well you're in luck because I've got just the cream for that!

    Boom! boom! :)

  22. Q. Who's the bane of Santa's life?

    A. The elf and safety officer.

    Ho ho ho

  23. Who delivers presents to cats?
    Santa Paws!

  24. Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
    He sold his soul to Santa.

  25. Got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.
    Not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.

    :) Happy Christmas!!

  26. What's the grammatically correct name for an elf . . .
    A subordinate claus

  27. The four stages of life:
    1. You believe in Santa Claus
    2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
    3. You become Santa Claus
    4. You look like Santa Claus.

    :-D Hope I made you laugh. xx

  28. Knock knock
    Who's there?
    Wayne who?
    Wayne in a manger!

  29. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel!

  30. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
    Because he had low elf esteem.


  31. Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?

    to get to the bottom!

    comedy gold

  32. What carol is a favourite of parents?

    Silent Night!

    Hope you're getting a few! - Jensen

  33. Q What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

    A. Can you smell a carrot?

    Mads x

  34. Why is Prancer always wet...?

    Because he is a rain-deer Ho ho ho Xx

  35. Father Christmas asked 'what would you get if you crossed a sheep and a porcupine'?
    .. his wife replied 'An animal that can sew its own sweaters! - it'd be handy for next Christmas with the Christmas work jumper craze.. can I put that on MY list?!'

    Enjoy the festivities! Paul

  36. What’s a good Christmas tip? Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.


  37. It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They'd been worn all week and needed the air...

  38. What a sight squirrels going to see at Christmas ?
    Nutcracker !

  39. Mary said to Santa, "what's that out-side?"
    Santa replied "it's Reindeer (Rain Dear)"