Competition time again...
We have a set of 4 acorn dinner plates up for grabs. All you have to do is to tell us a funny
Christmas joke, and whoever makes us laugh the most will win the plates.
Simple :-)
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Knock! Knock!
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Wendy!
Wendy who?
Wendy red red robbin comes bob bob bobbin along!
why are christmas trees like bad knitters?!
ReplyDeleteThey both drop their needles!
This is the only joke I can remember, but it involves Xmas so fits the comp.
ReplyDeleteSo Luke Skywalker is with Darth Vader and Darth Vader says (in muffled way) I know what you've got or Christmas Luke. How do you know that replies Luke! Darth mumbles, I've felt your presence!
Ha ha
I just heard this one today, it's very simple but it made me laugh. :)
ReplyDeleteTwo old ladies were talking about Christmas miracle and than one said: "A virgin birth I can believe, but finding three wise men!!?"
Have a lovely December!*
the plates are lovely btw! :)
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteQ. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
ReplyDeleteA. Lost
Q. What's white and goes up ?
ReplyDeleteA. A confused snowflake !
how does good king wenceslas like his pizza?
ReplyDeletedeep pan, crisp and even!
thank you for the chance to win such lovely plates. merry christmas!!!
OOh great - I'd love to win, so here's my best Christmas joke.
ReplyDeleteWhat's the difference between brussel sprouts and bogeys?
Children will eat their bogeys...
Hope that's not too revolting for Christmas!
Whats furry and minty?
ReplyDeleteA Polo bear
my fave has to be...
ReplyDeleteWhat do you get if you eat too many Christmas Decorations?
Tinsel-itis!
Merry Xmas! xx
Last year I got a peg leg for Christmas. It wasn't my main present though, just a stocking filler.
ReplyDeletePizza Hut has a new Christmas pizza. It's called the Good King Wenceslas, it's deep pan, crisp and even.
ReplyDeleteTwo hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. Seems to have stopped breathing and his eyes are glazed.
ReplyDeleteHis friend panicked call emergency services: "My friend is dead What can I do?"
The operator replied calmly: "Calm down. I can help you. Firstly let us he is dead."
A moment of silence, followed by a gunshot.
The hunter takes the handset: "This is good, now what?
What's Santa Claus' favourite pizza? Calzo-ho-ho-ne!
ReplyDeleteKneeling in front of the fireplace, a boy exclaimed:
ReplyDeleteChristmas father, I WANT A TRAIN electric ".
After a slight pause:
- "SANTA CLAUS, I WANT A TRAIN electric".
And again:
- "SANTA CLAUS, I WANT A TRAIN electric".
At this time, his father intervened
- "This is not to shout like this: Santa Claus is not deaf!"
And the boy answered:
- "Santa Claus is perhaps not deaf ... but Grandma is!"
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
ReplyDeleteCan you smell carrot?
A rich, yet not very clever dad is reading his son's letter to Santa: "So this is what you want hmm... a new computer processor, ok... a flat monitor, right... a mouse, that's easy... a mat for the mouse!?" And then he gets angry: "Son, what will be next? Some slippers for the cockroaches!?"
ReplyDeleteHow many feminist elves does it take to put the fairy lights on the Christmas tree?
ReplyDeleteAnswer: One, and it's not funny....
Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas?
ReplyDeleteA: The turkey - he's always stuffed!
Santa Claus went to the Doctors...
ReplyDeleteDoctor: What seems to be the problem?
Santa: I seem to have a Christmas pud stuck up my bottom!
Doctor: Well you're in luck because I've got just the cream for that!
Boom! boom! :)
Q. Who's the bane of Santa's life?
ReplyDeleteA. The elf and safety officer.
Ho ho ho
Who delivers presents to cats?
ReplyDeleteSanta Paws!
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
ReplyDeleteHe sold his soul to Santa.
Got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.
ReplyDeleteNot her main present, it's just a stocking filler.
:) Happy Christmas!!
What's the grammatically correct name for an elf . . .
ReplyDeleteA subordinate claus
*snort*
The four stages of life:
ReplyDelete1. You believe in Santa Claus
2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus
3. You become Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus.
:-D Hope I made you laugh. xx
Knock knock
ReplyDeleteWho's there?
Wayne
Wayne who?
Wayne in a manger!
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel!
ReplyDeleteWhy was Santa's little helper depressed?
ReplyDeleteBecause he had low elf esteem.
:-)
Why did the toilet roll roll down the hill?
ReplyDeleteto get to the bottom!
comedy gold
What carol is a favourite of parents?
ReplyDeleteSilent Night!
Hope you're getting a few! - Jensen
Q What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
ReplyDeleteA. Can you smell a carrot?
Mads x
Why is Prancer always wet...?
ReplyDeleteBecause he is a rain-deer Ho ho ho Xx
Father Christmas asked 'what would you get if you crossed a sheep and a porcupine'?
ReplyDelete.. his wife replied 'An animal that can sew its own sweaters! - it'd be handy for next Christmas with the Christmas work jumper craze.. can I put that on MY list?!'
Enjoy the festivities! Paul
What’s a good Christmas tip? Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
ReplyDelete:)
It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They'd been worn all week and needed the air...
ReplyDeleteWhat a sight squirrels going to see at Christmas ?
ReplyDeleteNutcracker !
Mary said to Santa, "what's that out-side?"
ReplyDeleteSanta replied "it's Reindeer (Rain Dear)"